DearJulie,

I love this guy, he loves me. I'm in love with this same guy, but he's not in love with me. We were each others first love, and he's still my only love. We dated for three years && then I broke up with him, for five months I experimented and played the field, then I realized I wanted him && only him. We got back together and I moved away for college, this caused complications which lead to us breaking up again.

He'll be attending college with me next semester and it's a definite that we'll constantly be around each other. I want us to get back together, but there's a problem because he's 'talking,' to another girl. He's lost her trust because we had sex one time I was visiting, they weren't officially talking then.

Whenever I do find the time to go back home, I try to set up a public place for us to hang out (so that we don't end up making sex mistake #2), but he's bailed out every single time, because of her. He's considerate of her feelings and doesn't want to lose the trust he's tried so hard to regain.

We both still love and care for each other, he has admitted to missing me.

I guess the question is, do you think I still have a chance at winning him back? I'm hoping that 'definitely hanging,' together will play a huge role in making him fall in love with me again.

                                                                                         Feeding off of (false) hope

Dear Feeding off of (false) hope,

I really don't want to burst your bubbles, but you should save your time winning him back because it won't happen. And chances are you will trick him with having sex with you again and again because you eventually would learn this is the only way he will come to you. Truth to be told, he misses you for sex.

Silly girl. I know it sounds harsh but it is true. The old feelings lingered because of so many reason. They actually might have not been the good reasons.  First love? Only love? As you grow older, those kind of feelings would eventually wear off, and then you will grow older and wiser, and then you will know...

Right now you only think you are in love with him or he is your only love or whatever, is because, face it - you can't have him. Seriously, while you are in college, you will be able to meet all different kinds of great people. Continue explore yourself and learn. Don't limit yourself with some old fling that you can't forget about.

DearJulie,

I have three concerns:

First: I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we have moved in together. He is 8 years older than I am and our relationship has progressed rapidly and we both know that we want our relationship to one day end up in marriage. A few months ago, we attended his friend's wedding and he gave my hand a firm squeeze and said "Don't be too envious of them, as your day isn't too far away." Then about a month ago, he started to become agitated with me. As far as I'm concerned, I have not changed. I am consistent. He is not interested in having sex, or doing things with me, and he seemed to be preoccupied with work all the time. When I ask him what is wrong, he says that I am becoming annoying. I don't want to push him away and have been trying to give him much space as possible w/o torturing myself. Maybe I need to do this more??

Second: I have been engaged before and walked about with a ring that most girls would envy, especially at my age. My boyfriend knows that I feel naked without that ring. So I wear a replacement ring on that finger. He hates it. He's hinted, and then finally blatantly asked me to take it off. I also know that he purchased an engagement ring back in August. So I complied with his request and took off my ring. He hasn't asked me yet. What gives? Is he hesitating? I didn't bring up to him that I knew about the ring in attempts to not pressure or push him away.

Third: I want to spend the holidays with him. I assume that he is going to his parent's house in Ohio. I would like to join him, but would prefer than he ask me first. (Don't want to self-invite myself.) But he never wants to discuss anything seriously. It is very difficult to hold his attention on any topic, especially the ones that are for far away. So, I question myself, "Am I just being unreasonable? Is it too soon to spend the holidays with each others families? It also seems like his parents are not too interested in meeting me formally either. ( We ran into each other while we went to Ohio for something else.) His parents don't ask about me when they cal either. And they do not know that we live together.

Any advice? We are also going to another wedding this weekend. Please provide feedback as soon as possible.

                                                                                                                             Uncertain...

Dear Uncertain...,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. Hopefully this wouldn't come too late.

You are being a very typical girl. In the book "The Female Brain", it tells you how exactly you function and why. Therefore, if it's the way you supposed to function, I don't see any problem with you. Maybe it's just because you have the expectation so high and you are not sure how to react once things are not going the way you think they are supposed to.

Don't read into things too much. It will only drive you crazy. Everything before the wedding was fine so try going back to it. And please, you are not supposed to know about him purchasing a ring anyway, then just don't even think about it. Meeting the parents or spending the holidays don't really mean all that much, to some people.

Breathe and relax. That's how you find your balance and rhythm back on track.